Why does getting to know someone change how we feel about them?

Because a person is more than the group they belong to. When you know someone’s name, their kids, their bad knee and their laugh, you see the whole person. Researchers have found for decades that real, friendly contact between people from different groups grows understanding. It’s hard to stay a stranger to someone who once helped you jump your car.

1 · MindWhat people believe, and how they know

In 1954, psychologist Gordon Allport published The Nature of Prejudice. He argued that contact between groups builds understanding, especially when people meet as equals, share goals, and work together. This became known as the contact hypothesis. A 2006 review by Thomas Pettigrew and Linda Tropp looked at 515 studies and found contact generally did reduce prejudice.

Knowing people also helps us understand what matters to them. In Pew’s 2019 religious knowledge survey, 76 percent of Americans who know a Muslim knew Ramadan is an Islamic holy month, compared with 46 percent of those who don’t. People who knew someone from at least seven religious groups got about 19 of 32 questions right. Those who knew people from three or fewer groups averaged under 9.

From far away, we only see a group. Up close, we see a person.

What each tradition or community says

Social psychology

Contact works best under the right conditions. Friendship, shared work and meeting as equals tend to grow understanding. Quick or tense encounters don’t do as much.

Christian teaching

Jesus answered “Who is my neighbor?” with a story about a specific man on a specific road (Luke 10:29-37). Not a category. A person who needed help.

Many neighbors of other faiths

Many say the most meaningful thing someone did was simply ask, kindly, and then listen to the answer.

2 · HeartWhat it feels like

For the person who feels misunderstood, being known is a relief. Someone finally sees that you’re a mom who worries about the school bus, not a symbol on the evening news.

For the person reaching out, it can feel awkward at first. You might say the wrong thing. Most neighbors will forgive a clumsy question asked with kindness. What hurts is never being asked at all.

I’ve never met anybody who turned out to be a category. They all turned out to be people. Some of them even return your casserole dish.Neighbor Radio

3 · HandsHow to be a good neighbor

Pick one neighbor you know mostly from a distance. Learn their name, if you don’t know it. Ask how their week is going, and wait for the real answer.

Go to a public event at a mosque, temple, gurdwara, synagogue or church that isn’t yours. Eat something. Ask one question. Say thank you.

This weekHave one real conversation this week with someone whose life looks different from yours.

Going deeperA little more, if you want it

Why the station exists

Every neighbor has a story. Most of us just never hear it. We pass each other in driveways and grocery aisles, and we fill in the blanks with whatever we’ve seen on a screen.

Neighbor Radio is an attempt to fill in those blanks with the real thing. A Muslim neighbor explaining what Ramadan feels like from the inside. A Sikh dad explaining why he ties his turban every morning. A daughter of immigrants explaining what it’s like to translate for her parents at the doctor’s office.

Once you’ve heard someone’s story, they stop being a stranger. That’s the whole idea.

SourcesWhere it is in the scriptures

New Testament

Luke 10:29-37 Read it in the World English Bible on Free Scripture

Plain wordsWhat do these words mean?

Mosque: A Muslim place of prayer. In Arabic, a masjid.
Gurdwara: A Sikh house of worship. The name means “door to the Guru.”
Synagogue: A Jewish house of prayer, study and gathering. Also called a shul or a temple.

All the words →

Four questions to take with you

From Jesus' story of the Good Samaritan, about the stranger who stopped to help. We call it the Samaritan Test.

Did they see? Or look right past?
Did they stop? Even when it was inconvenient?
Did it cost them? Time, money, comfort, reputation?
Did they treat the person like a person? Not like a label?

Try it on: a group of people you mostly know from the news. Have you ever actually met one of them?

Quick questions

Does meeting someone always change how we feel?

Not always. Tense or unequal meetings can backfire. Friendly time together, on equal footing, works best.

What’s the contact hypothesis?

The idea, from Gordon Allport’s 1954 book, that real contact between groups under good conditions builds understanding.

Sources and research

How this answer was made

Written in plain words by the Neighbor Radio team. Each faith's and community's section is checked by someone from that faith or community. Until then, this page says so. Spot something wrong? Tell us. We read every note and fix mistakes.