Every year, some of us freeze at the grocery store. A neighbor mentions a holiday we don’t celebrate. We want to say something nice. We’re afraid of saying the wrong nice thing. So we say nothing, and smile like a hostage.
Here’s the good news. Most people are delighted that you noticed at all. This guide will give you the right words for a lot of holidays. But the words matter less than the noticing.
The simple formula
Say the name of the holiday, and wish them well.
- “Happy Diwali!”
- “Happy Passover.”
- “Eid Mubarak!” (It means “blessed Eid.”)
If you don’t know the special greeting, plain English is fine. “I hope you have a wonderful holiday” works for almost anything. One Gulf News guide to Ramadan greetings put it simply: good intentions matter more than exact phrasing.
Asking is allowed
You are allowed to ask. “What are you celebrating this week?” or “What’s the proper thing to say?” is a compliment. It tells your neighbor their life is interesting to you.
Then actually listen to the answer. A question you don’t listen to is just a longer way of saying nothing.
When “happy” is the wrong word
A few holy days are serious, not festive. Yom Kippur, the Jewish Day of Atonement, is a day of fasting and repentance. Many Jews say “Have an easy fast” or “Have a meaningful fast” instead of “Happy Yom Kippur.” The same goes for some days of mourning in other traditions. If you’re not sure whether a day is happy or solemn, ask. Nobody minds that question.
“Happy holidays” or the name?
Some people treat “Merry Christmas” versus “Happy holidays” like a battle. Most Americans don’t. In a 2017 Pew survey, 52% said it doesn’t matter how stores greet them. About 32% preferred “Merry Christmas.”
Here’s a simple rule. If you know what your neighbor celebrates, name it. “Merry Christmas” to a Christian friend, “Happy Hanukkah” to a Jewish one, “Happy Lunar New Year” to a friend who celebrates it. Naming the day shows you know them.
If you don’t know, “Happy holidays” is a kind, honest greeting. It is not an attack on anybody’s faith. Christmas survived the Puritans, who banned it, and centuries of fruitcake. It will survive a cashier being polite.
And if someone wishes you a holiday you don’t celebrate, the right answer is “Thank you, you too.” They were being kind. Take the gift. You don’t have to re-gift it with a lecture.
One thing not to do
Don’t make your neighbor’s holiday about you. “We don’t do that in our house” may be true. It’s also not a greeting.
Try it on
Think of a neighbor whose holidays you don’t know. What would it cost you to ask?